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LAST SEASON ON TEEN WOLF:
Scott McCall was bitten by a werewolf and suddenly gained amazing parkour skills. Scott’s friend Stiles Stilinski helped him navigate through teen-wolfdom.
Derek Hale is an ominous werewolf and extremely attractive man whose family burned to death in a fire some indefinite period of time ago. Is it 10 years? Is it six years? Maybe it was yesterday. Derek sometimes helps Scott with werewolf stuff and sometimes just shows up randomly and threatens to kill everyone so that he can maintain his tough guy status.
Scott’s love interest, Allison Argent, was unaware that her family were WEREWOLF HUNTERS. She was also unaware that Scott was a werewolf but she knows about both these things now.
Allison’s aunt Kate was the one that burned Derek’s family alive.
Lydia Martin, ginger princess, was in a relationship with Cheekbones McCheekbonerson/resident lil’ bitch Jackson Whittemore. Jackson dumped Lydia because he wanted to become a werewolf and is impossibly far up his own arse.
Everyone tried to figure out who the big scary Alpha werewolf was and it turned out to be Derek’s comatose-ish uncle Peter. Peter bit Lydia. Peter killed Kate.
Derek killed Peter and became the new Alpha. Allison and Scott decided they didn’t care about anything but cuddling on a roof. Derek bit Jackson to turn him into a werewolf.
And that’s what you missed on
Glee Teen Wolf.
Night. Jackson emerges from a river. He’s half-SHIRTLESS and has fresh werewolf bite marks on his hip because Derek apparently couldn’t find somewhere less weird to bite him. Jackson stares up at the moon, which looks to be full from the reflection on the water.
Scott does his weird wolf-run through the forest and jumps over a canyon thing. After landing semi-safely, he pauses to have a flashback about the time he and Allison were caught making out by Chris (Allison’s dad), who then tried to shoot Scott in the face.
Allison tearfully begged her dad to leave Scott alone on the condition that she wouldn’t seem him again.
Scott wolf-runs down a suburban street and nearly causes a two-car accident (he doesn’t care), then parkours into Allison’s bedroom. Allison’s parents will be gone for an hour so they have time to make out.
There’s a new TITLE SEQUENCE in which SCOTT is SHIRTLESS, ALLISON is SHIRTLESS and covered in mud, DEREK is SHIRTLESS and lacrosse is heavily featured.
In the hospital, Lydia is looking much less dead than the last time we saw her, and much more sarcastic.
LYDIA’S DAD: You want help getting in the shower?
LYDIA: Maybe if I was four and still taking bubble baths.
Lydia’s dad walks outside to see Stiles is asleep on the chairs near Lydia’s hospital room.
LYDIA’S DAD: He’s been here all night?
MAMA McCALL: He’s been here all weekend.
In case you’ve forgotten, Stiles has been in love with Lydia since the third grade.
Back at Casa Argent, Scott and Allison make out noisily. SCOTT gets SHIRTLESS. Allison gets MOSTLY SHIRTLESS. They roll around, knocking over a lamp and falling off the bed. It’s all fun and games until Scott’s wolf hearing picks up on the sound of Allison’s parents coming home early.
Mama Argent walks in to find Allison sitting on her bed and ‘doing homework’.
MAMA ARGENT: Did I interrupt something?
ALLISON: Just my studying, my life, my happiness, will to live.
MAMA ARGENT: I picked up your dress for the funeral tomorrow.
ALLISON: You can just put it on the desk.
Mama Argent puts it in the closet instead, checking to see if Scott’s hiding in there—which he isn’t, because he’s hiding out on the roof, half-dressed. Mama Argent checks the roof as well but he moves away before she can see him.
Lydia is NAKED and showering. She still has the wound on her stomach/hip/place where I don’t think Peter actually bit her because the blood was coming from her neck last season. It looks pretty gross and maybe too bloody and unhealed to be left uncovered in the shower. Some weird black crap starts bubbling up from the drain. That’s just unsanitary.
Finally, Lydia opens her eyes and notices that that murky black crap is spreading and the water is still rising. Instead of just backing out like a normal person, she crouches down in the gross water (which has now filled the entire bath tub) and starts pulling clumps of hair out of the drain.
A hand rises out of the water and grabs her wrist. Lydia recoils, screaming.
Stiles, Lydia’s dad and Mama McCall rush into the bathroom to find the bath tub filled with just regular water. No clumps of hair, no murky black stuff, and no Lydia. The window is wide open and we hear Lydia’s screams echoing around Beacon Hills.
Still out on the Allison’s roof, Scott hears the screams and recognises Lydia’s voice.
Sheriff Stilinski (Stiles’s dad) shows up at the hospital and seems more embarrassed about Lydia being nude than worried that she’s missing. But Mama McCall confirms that the whole hospital has been searched and there was nothing suspicious. It seems like Lydia left under her own steam.
SHERIFF: All right. Let’s get an APB out on a 16-year-old redhead. Any other descriptors?
STILES: She’s five foot three, green eyes, fair skin, and her hair is actually strawberry-blonde.
Sheriff tells him to go home.
Stiles walks out to his Jeep, where Scott’s waiting. He’s stolen Lydia’s hospital gown so Scott can use it to catch her scent.
Allison shows up to warn them that there’s something else wrong. While the police don’t know that Lydia might be a werewolf, the WEREWOLF HUNTERS do, and they think Lydia might be turning for the first time and going on a killing spree. Allison jumps in the Jeep and they’re off on an adventure.
STILES: But if she’s turning would they actually kill her?
ALLISON: I don’t know. They won’t tell me anything, okay? All they say is, ‘We’ll talk after Kate’s funeral when the others get here.’
STILES: What others?
ALLISON: They won’t tell me that either.
Scott is hanging out the window and using his nose as a GPS.
In the graveyard, a dude uses a bobcat to dig Kate’s grave for tomorrow’s funeral. He gently touches his black eye and then hears noises. Dude sees a werewolf-looking claw before his bobcat is pushed sideways and he lands in the freshly-dug grave. Dude stands up and can just see something digging through a nearby grave.
The bobcat is suddenly lifted off the grave that Dude is standing in. It’s Derek making an ominous entrance and looking beautiful as ever.
DEREK: Need a hand?
Scott, Stiles, and Allison end up at Derek’s creepy roofless house. As far as they know, Lydia has never been here. Allison wonders if it’s an instinct for wolves to seek out an Alpha.
Stiles accidentally triggers a snare and the wire catches Scott, suspending him upside down by his ankle.
Stiles and Allison try to help but Scott hears someone approaching and tells them to hide.
Chris shows up with other WEREWOLF HUNTERS and has a chat with Scott. He makes the usual threatening comments about staying away from Allison and then goes on a tangent about a hemicorporectomy (the medical term for amputating someone at the waist/cutting someone in half). Chris has always had a knack for putting people at ease.
Once the WEREWOLF HUNTERS leave, Scott uses his wolf manicure to cut the wire around his ankles. If the snare belonged to the WEREWOLF HUNTERS then they should probably work on that loophole. The trio walk off towards the Hale house and …
That’s it for the night. It’s the next morning and Sheriff is questioning Dude (his name is Isaac Lahey) about the weird grave robbery and whether he’s seen Lydia, since the canine unit traced her scent to the graveyard. Isaac’s dad looks weird and leathery and like he may be abusing his son.
Sheriff gets distracted when he realises Isaac’s on the lacrosse team with Stiles. Isaac gets distracted when he sees Derek standing ominously in the woods.
SHERIFF: Do you guys get many grave robberies here?
ISAAC: A few. Usually they just take stuff like jewellery.
SHERIFF: What did this one take?
ISAAC: Her liver.
Apparently Stiles has heard about the grave robbery. He and Scott start to wonder whether Lydia ate the stolen liver. Stiles tries to use Scott’s initial werewolf experiences as a test case.
STILES: What was going through your mind when you were turning? You know, what were you drawn to?
STILES: Okay. Nothing else? Seriously?
SCOTT: Nothing else mattered. But no – that’s good, though, right? Because the night that Lydia was bit she was with you.
STILES: Yeah, but she was looking for Jackson.
Quite frankly, I wouldn’t mind if Lydia accidentally ripped out Jackson’s cheekbones and stabbed him with them.
Jackson parks, gives a homeless man a dollar, and tells him to go die in another parking lot. See? Charmer.
In the locker room, Coach tells SHIRTLESS Danny to put a shirt on because he’s a cruel, cruel man.
COACH: Listen up. Police are asking for help on a missing child advisor. It’s a sick girl roaming around totally naked. Now, it’s supposed to get below 40 degrees tonight. I don’t know about you but the last time it was that cold and I was running around naked, I lost a testicle to exposure. I don’t want the same thing happening to some poor girl.
Anyone that signs up for a search party and finds Lydia will get an A in Coach’s class.
Scott and Stiles try to enlist Jackson’s help but he’s being painfully stupid right now and doesn’t seem to realise Lydia might be turning.
STILES: A unicorn. What do you think, dumbass?
Jackson makes a snide comment about the scratches Lydia used to leave on him and swaggers off to use his cheekbones for the dark side.
In Chemistry, Mr Harris (how are you not in jail yet?) hands out a pop quiz and gives Stiles detention for life.
Jackson suffers from a massive nosebleed and runs to the bathrooms to sort it out. His blood is black. Like his heart. Someone keeps trying to open the cubicle and it turns out it’s Derek. Jackson’s face is suddenly clear of any distracting black blood.
Jackson was apparently unaware that getting bitten meant he was part of Derek’s pack and he has his own plans.
Derek starts backing away when Jackson’s ear starts leaking black blood because it’s gross and probably means that the universe decided Jackson was too much of a lil’ bitch to be a werewolf. Jackson is left to stare at his leaking facial orifices.
Allison opens her locker to find a note from Scott that says, Because I love you (it’s their motto). Scott spies on her as she opens the note because they are FORBIDDEN LOVERS but he needs to know she still thinks he’s cute.
An unknown male compliments Allison on the funeral dress that she’s taken from her locker. Allison compliments Unknown Male on his camera.
Then Allison hears some girls talk about how Allison’s aunt was a psycho. So does Unknown Male and he looks quizzical. Allison walks away and is pulled into a classroom by Scott.
ALLISON: How did you know?
SCOTT: I could hear your heartbeat. What is it?
Allison doesn’t want to go to the funeral because there’ll be press everywhere. Scott assures her that everything will be fine after the funeral and after they find Lydia. Everything is suddenly looking up now that they don’t have psycho werewolf killers to worry about. Allison feels like she can’t cry because Kate was a psycho.
SCOTT: You could be crying for you, you know. You lost someone. Maybe Kate wasn’t totally who you thought she was but you still lost her.
Scott promises to be at the funeral from a distance to support Allison.
Just when Stiles thinks he’s free from detention, Harris tells him he has to stay longer.
MR HARRIS: You see, Stiles, since your father was so judicious in his dealings with me, I’ve decided to make you my personal project for the rest of the semester. You are going to benefit from all the best that strict discipline has to offer. Now, sit down before I decide to keep you here all night.
The Argents arrive for Kate’s funeral and are hounded by the press. Sheriff and other police-y people put up a barricade.
Chris and Mama Argent seem angry that they have to have a public funeral and someone insisted on it. They won’t tell Allison who insisted on it; only that he’ll be here soon.
Unknown Male from the lockers ducks under the barricade to take photos of Allison.
An old man (flanked by two bodyguards?) grabs unknown male’s camera. Scott (who’s hiding behind a statue) and the press stare, unsure who Old Mate is. Old Mate snaps the camera’s SD card in half and chucks it away. Serves you right, Unknown Male.
Old Mate walks in slow-mo to the funeral and greets Chris with a hug. Old Mate’s name is actually Gerard. Mama Argent gets a hug and kisses on the cheek. She gives Gerard her condolences. Allison looks confused but seems to remember Gerard.
Gerard, Chris, and Allison look over to where Stiles has just joined Scott behind the statue, confirming keen WEREWOLF HUNTER senses. But nothing else happens so apparently there’s been a moratorium on Chris’s speeches today.
GERARD: Considering I haven’t seen you since you were three, I don’t suppose I can assume you’d call me ‘Grandpa’. So, if it’s comfortable, call me ‘Gerard’ for the time being. But I’d prefer ‘Grandpa’.
I guess Gerard/Chris’s father is the mysterious person the Argents have been muttering about?
Allison looks toward Scott and he gives her a little wave.
STILES: Hey. You know, they could just be here for the funeral. What if they’re the non-hunting side of the family. There could be non-hunting Argents. That’s possible, right?
SCOTT: I know what they are. They’re reinforcements.
Sheriff pounces on Scott and Stiles. I really don’t think the WEREWOLF HUNTERS need reinforcements.
Sheriff puts them in a cop car, where they overhear a radio call about a disturbance in a car. Apparently someone attacked an ambulance carrying some dude in cardiac arrest.
Stiles and Scott jump out of the car and head towards the ambulance, thinking the accident was caused by Lydia.
Scott catches a scent and Stiles begs, near tears, for Scott to find Lydia. Scott obliges by running in silhouette through the forest and hugging a tree. He sees someone else in the woods and wolf-runs towards them.
Scott tackles the someone to the ground but it’s not Lydia. It’s that homeless man Jackson was being a lil’ bitch to. Turns out he’s a werewolf too.
Scott and Homeless tackle each other and do some light parkour before Homeless runs off.
Over near the ambulance crime scene, the Sheriff has arrived and is standing with Stiles. Lydia steps out of the woods, NAKED, shivering, and confused. Stiles sees her first and calls out.
LYDIA: Well, is anyone going to get me a coat?
Stiles tries to grab his dad’s coat but he’s struck dumb at the sight of a NAKED Lydia and only manages to fall over. Sheriff steps over his son and offers Lydia his coat.
Scott has chased Homeless until Homeless is caught in a snare and strung up by the wrists (maybe that’s the way the snare is supposed to work). Derek appears and drags Scott away; the WEREWOLF HUNTERS are already here and there’s nothing they can do for Homeless.
Chris pulls out one of those Taser/cattle prod/lightsaber things that Kate favoured last season and electrocutes Homeless until he’s human again. Chris starts questioning Homeless while Gerard wears a beret thing and looks like a proper grandpa.
HOMELESS: I came looking for the Alpha. I heard he was here. That’s all. Look, I didn’t do anything. I didn’t hurt anyone. No one living. He wasn’t alive in the ambulance. He wasn’t, I swear.
GERARD: Gentlemen, take a look at a rare sight. Do you want to tell them what we’ve caught?
CHRIS: An Omega.
GERARD: The lone wolf. Possibly kicked out of his own pack or the survivor of a pack that was hunted down, maybe even murdered. Or possibly alone by his own choice. Certainly not a wise choice.
Gerard picks up a fucking sword (it’s an actual sword, guys) and cuts the Omega in half. Say goodbye to that grandpa image.
Derek is still restraining Scott and they’ve watched the whole thing.
DEREK: Do you see what they do? This is why you need me. Why we need each other. The only way to fight them is together.
SCOTT: What are they doing?
DEREK: Declaring war.
Chris gets angry at Gerard about breaking the code. Gerard doesn’t care because werewolves killed Kate. Did anyone tell you that your daughter died because she broke the code? Come on, man.
GERARD: From now on, these things are just bodies waiting to be cut in half. Are you listening? Because I don’t care if they’re wounded and weak.
Shot of Jackson, bleeding black blood everywhere. Get it under control, son.
GERARD: Or seemingly harmless, begging for their life with the promise that they will never ever hurt anyone.
Shot of Scott cuddling with Allison in the woods.
GERARD: Or some desperate lost soul with no idea what they’re getting into.
Shot of Isaac walking into an underground abandoned subway station? I don’t know what that is, America. That looks like a subway. Anyway, Derek’s there. So it looks like he’s at least upgraded to a place with a roof, even if it’s still scungy.
GERARD: We find them. We kill them. We kill them all.
END OF EPISODE