Teen Wolf recap – Season 3, Episode 1: Tattoo

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LAST SEASON ON TEEN WOLF:

Derek Hale, ominous and attractive werewolf man, was turning lonely teens into werewolves because he wanted friends.

I just like having people to glare at.

I just like having people to glare at.

Allison Argent, mini-WEREWOLF HUNTER, broke up with Scott McCall, teen wolf. Scott was totally fine because he knows that he and Allison are endgame.

As far as I'm concerned, we're gonna have little werewolf/WEREWOLF HUNTER babies and they're going to be so confused with their lot in life.

As far as I’m concerned, we’re gonna have little werewolf/WEREWOLF HUNTER babies and they’re going to be so confused with their lot in life.

An Alpha pack arrived in Beacon Hills and started drawing graffiti on Derek’s burnt-out shell of a house.

It just brings down the calibre of the whole house.

It just brings down the calibre of the whole neighbourhood.

The Alpha pack may have kidnapped Erica and Boyd, two of Derek’s teen wolves.

We should've stayed and let Derek keep glaring at us.

We should’ve stayed and let Derek keep glaring at us.

Also, Peter Hale is back from the dead and sassier than ever.

I've been practising my one-liners all summer.

I’ve been practising my one-liners all summer.

NOW:

Fuzzy vision of someone being dragged along the ground. Oh, it’s Isaac Lahey (another of Derek’s teen wolves). He’s unconscious and bloody. A girl wakes him up with a makeshift defibrillator and then gets annoyed when Isaac moans a little in pain. Isaac is not keen on staying awake but the girl half carries, half drags him around.

Isaac has claw marks on the back of his neck. The girl tells Isaac that’s how they took his memories away. She pulls Isaac onto a motorcycle and tells him to hold on no matter what.

Hanging on to prevent death is usually obvious but I'm making an exception for you.

Hanging on to prevent death is usually obvious but I’m making an exception for you.

Isaac looks like he’s keen for another nap until he hears someone chasing them. We get some excellent green screen here as a dude—no, two dudes (TWINS!) chase after Isaac and the girl (who I’m now calling SAVIOUR GIRL), slashing at the bike and trying to bring them down.

One of the twins has glowing red eyes, marking him as an Alpha. Isaac and Saviour Girl get caught at a dead end and the twins walk casually towards them. Saviour Girl reminds Isaac to hold on as the twins use each other to parkour at them. Saviour Girl drives through a window and into a warehouse. Isaac is done with being awake for the moment. He slips sideways and brings Saviour Girl down as well.

The twins follow them into the warehouse and start undressing. I am perfectly fine with this. They look good SHIRTLESS.

Never run away from your strippers.

Never run away from your strippers.

The twins then somehow combine their bodies and become one super Alpha thing that I am not fine with.

NOPE.

NOPE.

Isaac is not fine with it either. He crawls over to Saviour Girl, who shoots an electric bazooka thing at the Super Alpha. On impact, it splits the Super Alpha back into SHIRTLESS twins.

Am I not pretty enough?

Am I not pretty enough?

Isaac’s eyes go fuzzy from the flickering light and when his vision clears, the twins are gone. Saviour Girl glares at him.

SAVIOUR GIRL: I thought I told you to hold on.

Isaac passes out.

We have an altered TITLE SEQUENCE with less lacrosse. Scott now levitates like a fairy/goblin/Jesus. Allison and Scott still make out, even though they’re broken up. There’s some grave-themed stuff, Lydia’s screaming, Jackson is gone, and Derek is still SHIRTLESS so that’s all totally fine with me.

Scott is getting his first tattoo. It’s a really intricate one with two bands around his upper arm. Stiles has a new haircut—well, not really. He has more hair. I like it. Stiles is not keen on Scott’s tattoo idea, especially since the bands apparently have no meaning other than ‘I just like it’. The tattoo artist chimes in with some wisdom about the root of the word ‘tattoo’ but Stiles is still not convinced. The tattoo artist checks to make sure Scott doesn’t have any problem with needles. He doesn’t. But Stiles does, and he faints within two seconds.

Supernatural gore I can handle. But not needles.

Supernatural gore I can handle. But not needles.

After the tattoo is done, Scott and Stiles get in Stiles’s Jeep. Stiles is holding an ice pack to his head and Scott complains that his arm burns where he just got stabbed repeatedly with needles. Scott doesn’t think a tattoo is supposed to feel like this. He rips off the bandage and watches as the tattoo heals and disappears.

I want my money back.

I want my money back.

STILES: Thank God. I hated it.

Lydia and Allison are in Lydia’s car. Allison has a new haircut. Lydia has a plan to take Allison on a double date disguised as a ‘group thing’. Allison protests that she’s ‘not ready to get back out there’.

Damn, girl. You two are in high school. Concentrate on your studies or something. Lydia and Allison casually explain away the fact that Jackson is no longer a series regular. Apparently the doctors looked like idiots when Jackson was no longer dead. Derek taught Jackson how not to kill people during a full moon and then Jackson moved to London. Lydia hasn’t talked to him since he left but she says that she’s over it.

Lydia pulls up at a red light and Stiles happens to pull up right beside her. Inside the Jeep, Scott is rehashing his and Allison’s relationship status; they haven’t talked all summer and Scott isn’t even sure if she’s coming back to school. Stiles looks over and sees Allison in the car with Lydia. Scott watches as she talks and laughs in slow-mo. When she sees him, the smile melts off her face.

Both Scott and Allison freak out at seeing each other’s faces and beg their friends to drive. Lydia and Stiles won’t move because of the red light. Stiles leans over and rolls down the window to say hi. Lydia floors it.

STILES: You know, they probably didn’t see us.

The light turns green and Stiles has no choice but to follow Lydia’s car down the road since there are no turns. Scott panics and asks Stiles to do anything to make it look like they’re not following the girls. Stiles stops in the middle of the road.

Allison asks Lydia to stop the car; she needs to talk to Scott. Both cars are stopped on the road and no one’s making a move. As Allison and Lydia look out the back window at the boys, a deer comes hurtling down the road and slams through their windscreen.

SURPRISE! Hope you're insured.

SURPRISE! Hope you’re insured.

The girls scream and jump out of the car. Stiles and Scott jump out of their car and immediately run to Lydia and Allison respectively to make sure that they’re okay.

Everyone’s okay except Lydia, who is freaking out about the suicidal deer.

LYDIA: I saw its eyes right before it hit us. It was like it was crazy.

Scott lays his hands on the dead deer and apparently he’s psychic now.

SCOTT: No, it was scared. Actually, terrified.

He looks over his shoulder and sees a perfectly full moon above them.

At the hospital, Mama McCall rushes to meet Isaac as he’s wheeled in on a stretcher. She knows all about werewolves and wants to know why Isaac isn’t already healed. Isaac brushes her off, saying that she needs to look after the girl.

Saviour Girl is wheeled in and she starts babbling about werewolf stuff like it’s no big deal. Do you even know Mama McCall? Or do you just talk about supernatural stuff to anyone you meet? Damn, girl. Be cool.

Btw, werewolves are real and I need to find one. Don't throw me in the psych ward.

Btw, werewolves are real and I need to find one. Don’t throw me in the psych ward.

SAVIOUR GIRL: Find the Alpha.

MAMA McCALL: What do you want with Derek Hale?

Mama McCall and Saviour Girl are separated. Saviour Girl mutters that she isn’t looking for Derek; she’s looking for Scott.

The next morning, Scott does some uncomfortable-looking one-armed pull-ups while he finishes reading Call of the Wild.

I wish I could look less constipated while doing this. It would up my street cred.

I wish I could look less constipated while doing this. It would up my street cred.

He drops the book onto a pile of other presumably finished books and checks the Word of the Day pop-up on his computer. Today’s word is ephemeral. Scott recognises that his tattoo was ephemeral. I recognise that his desktop background is a cutesy shot of Allison from that day in season 1 where they went traipsing through the woods together. Alone. But somehow they got a photo. Good for them. You can do amazing things with camera timers these days.

Chris Argent (Allison’s WEREWOLF HUNTER dad) walks into Allison’s room. It looks like they’re living somewhere new. Probably downsized after Mama Argent killed herself for becoming a werewolf. Chris seems to want Allison to stay home with him. Allison seems inclined to agree but she promised Lydia that she would drive her since Lydia’s car got hit by the suicidal deer.

Stay home and unpack. Your school is a deathtrap.

Stay home and unpack. Your school is a deathtrap.

Chris and Allison hug, apparently still adjusting to their new life.

At the Stilinski house, Stiles is busy investigating vehicle collisions that involved deer in the last 12 months. His Sheriff dad tells him to go to school.

Please halt your quest for knowledge.

Please halt your quest for knowledge.

SHERIFF: I’m not going to beg you.

STILES: Good. I’m impervious to your influence anyway.

SHERIFF: Would you consider a bribe?

STILES: Couldn’t meet my price.

SHERIFF: Extortion?

STILES: Got nothing on me.

Sheriff physically pulls Stiles away from the computer.

Lydia gets ready for school and experiments with the leather jacket of the NAKED dude in her bed.

I have a date with a guy who has (impossibly) more abs than you. I'll keep you posted.

I have a date with a guy who has (impossibly) more abs than you. I’ll keep you posted.

He asks if they could go on a real date or at least have sex again. Lydia picks up her bag and walks out without a word. I assume that guy is intoxicated by the Ginger Princess charm and isn’t going to steal her jewellery but you never know.

Scott drives to school on his new motorbike. It’s an improvement to the bicycle he’s been rocking for the last two seasons but it’s not on the same level as the two beasts parked beside him.

My helmet hair isn't that bad, is it?

My helmet hair isn’t that bad, is it?

Scott tells Stiles he wants Derek’s help with his tattoo; since Derek has the triskele (swirl thing) tattooed on his back, there has to be a way to stop the healing process. Stiles points out that Derek might be a bit busy since both Erica and Boyd are still missing.

Looks like the old principal is back after his brief forced sabbatical. The only reminders of Gerard’s (Allison’s grandfather) reign as principal are the trashed library and a gigantic sword that he left in the office. You’d think the teachers would have a prep day before school came back but no.

At Allison’s locker, Lydia inspects the freshmen that are walking past.

ALLISON: You mean fresh boys. Lydia, they’re 14.

Are they 14, Allison? Are they? I do not know a single 14-year-old that looks like these wildebeests roaming the hall. Cut your hair, dude. Allison tells Lydia that it’s fine to be single, focus on yourself, and work on becoming a better person.

LYDIA: Allison, I love you. So if you need to do that thing where we talk about me and pretend like we’re not actually talking about you, it’s totally fine. But I don’t want a boyfriend. I want a distraction.

Well, here’s one. Or two. Those creepy Alpha twins have apparently enrolled and they seem to be the owners of those two motorbikes outside.

We hear this school needs some more death and destruction.

We hear this school needs some more death and destruction.

I’m not sure whether they’re supposed to be freshmen or just transfers. Who knows?

Confirm your ages now. Lydia needs to know if this is legal.

Confirm your ages now. Lydia needs to know if this is legal.

In the hospital, Mama McCall checks on Isaac’s wounds. They’re healing visibly, which is not good since he’s scheduled for surgery. Mama McCall has already tried calling Derek and he’s not answering. Isaac’s only other emergency werewolf contact is Scott.

Come on, dude. My son is a werewolf but he's ultimately useless.

Come on, dude. My son is a werewolf but he’s ultimately useless.

Mama McCall walks out to call Scott and is waylaid by Sheriff.

SHERIFF: Since the amnesiac in 215 can’t tell us anything, I need the girl with the modified military stun gun in 216 to answer a few questions.

MAMA McCALL: It’s kind of unlikely since she’s heavily sedated.

Saviour Girl is actually not heavily sedated. She’s pulled out her IV and is just holding it near her hand to look like she’s still hooked up. Saviour Girl can hear Sheriff talking about the $10,000 of property damage she has to answer for and she does not look happy at being stuck in a hospital bed. Apparently she has somewhere to be.

Students file in for English class. The only spare seat left for Allison is right in front of Scott. Suddenly, everyone’s phones start going off. It’s a text from the new English teacher, who has sent them a quote from Heart of Darkness.

ENGLISH TEACHER: This is the last line to the first book we are going to read. It is also the last text you will receive in this class. Phones off, everyone.

I used technology to engage with students. This is going to be such a great year.

I used technology to engage with students. This is going to be such a great year.

Super bad timing, since Mama McCall is trying to get in touch with her son about their latest supernatural problem. Another nurse walks past Mama McCall and into Isaac’s room. She puts something in his IV and tells him it’s an anaesthetic.

NURSE LADY: We don’t want you getting in the way again.

Isaac starts to drift off. He looks over and sees that the Nurse Lady is barefoot and has a vicious pedicure which is most likely violating various sections of the health code. Her previously short nails have suddenly lengthened—oh, and her eyes are red. Welcome, third Alpha pack member.

You like my manicure?

Peace out, bitch.

Allison writes a note and passes it to Scott. She wants to know if they can talk. Scott starts writing a reply and is suddenly called out of class by the English teacher. Apparently Mama McCall thought outside the box and called the office, telling them she needed Scott to leave school early. English Teacher tells Scott that she’s aware of his track record and doesn’t want him to slip back into old habits. Scott tells her that he’ll be better this year.

SCOTT: I promise I won’t be ephemeral.

He struts off, happy with using his new big boy word in a conversation.

At the hospital, Alpha Pack Nurse Lady checks on Saviour Girl’s room. Saviour Girl is missing and there’s a deputy knocked out and handcuffed to her bed.

Back in English class, Stiles notices that Lydia has a bandage on her ankle.

STILES: What is that? Is that from the accident?

LYDIA: No. Prada bit me.

STILES: Your dog?

LYDIA: No, my designer handbag. Yes, my dog.

Apparently Prada has never bitten Lydia before. Stiles starts theorising that animals are acting weird because something’s coming, the same way they act weird before an earthquake hits.

LYDIA: What’s that thing you say about threes? Once, twice—

Three times? Because that’s how you count? Anyway, Lydia is cut off because a crow hits the window and leaves a blood stain behind. English Teacher looks out the window and sees a huge murder of crows flying at the windows.

Actual murder of crows. Not going to be such a great year.

Actual murder of crows. Not going to be such a great year.

They break through the windows and start flying around the classroom. Everyone ducks for cover. Stiles shields Lydia until it’s all over and there’s just a classroom full of shaken kids and dead crows.

Why couldn't we just have a boring first day back like every other school?

Why couldn’t we just have a boring first day back like every other school?

Scott meets Mama McCall at the hospital. She was hoping she wouldn’t have to tell him about Isaac’s issues because he’s been doing so well with reading and summer school and saving up for his death trap motorbike. She didn’t want to disrupt his good rhythm.

SCOTT: It’s not going to stop. I’m going to be better this year; a better student, a better son, a better friend—a better everything. I promise.

Mama McCall is happy with his promise. She tells him where to find Isaac and Scott kisses her on the cheek because he’s cute that way. As Scott rushes off, we see Saviour Girl creeping around the halls and trying to look inconspicuous in her hospital gown.

Scott gets in the elevator. Just as the doors are about to close, a white cane darts between the doors and a blind man enters. He asks Scott to hit the button for the second floor.

Isaac is in surgery and the doctor is not happy that his patient appears completely healed. He tells his staff to get rid of Isaac and bring in someone who needs to be operated on.

Blind Man wants Scott’s help and Scott is strangled by social politeness. Scott allows Blind Man to put a hand on his shoulder to use him as a guide. Maybe he heard Scott’s voice and estimated exactly where Scott’s shoulder would be, since he did that without any hesitation whatsoever.

I cannot help you, Blind Man. I must save my werewolf buddy.

I cannot help you, Blind Man. I must save my werewolf buddy.

One of the nurses starts wheeling Isaac out of surgery. He has werewolf claws protruding through his hospital gloves. Yet another probable health code violation and what seems like the next member of the Alpha pack.

Apparently Scott ditched the blind man easily enough because now he’s walking alone and looking for Isaac. He sees him being wheeled into an elevator in a wheelchair and somehow senses that the big dude with the strong jaw is a werewolf. Scott puts on his game face and leaps into the elevator before it closes. Strong Jaw wolfs out as well and his red eyes confirm his place in the Alpha pack. Isaac naps in his wheelchair while Scott gets tossed around by Strong Jaw.

So much room for activities!

So much room for activities!

STRONG JAW: Don’t you realise what you’re dealing with? I’m an Alpha.

The elevator doors open and someone stabs Strong Jaw in the back with werewolf claws. WELCOME, DEREK HALE, YOU GLORIOUS CREATURE. He’s an Alpha too and he tosses Strong Jaw out of the elevator and down the hall. Good thing it’s an empty hall. Derek turns to Scott.

DEREK: I thought you were supposed to be in school.

Dramatic entrances are my thing.

Dramatic entrances are my thing.

Back at school, English Teacher’s name is revealed to be Ms Blake. Her face is covered in scratches from the birds and she looks exhausted by her first morning of teaching. Stiles pulls a stray feather out of her hair.

Chris has arrived and is talking to Allison. Apparently this is a lesson in why Allison should stay home when she feels like it. Allison tells him that this, combined with the deer can’t be a coincidence.

Sheriff walks over to Chris and asks if he has any insight into the bizarre animal behaviour.

SHERIFF: You must’ve seen something like this before, right?

CHRIS: I’m not sure why I would or why you would think I would.

SHERIFF: I’m sorry. I could’ve sworn I overheard my son talking about how you were an experienced hunter.

CHRIS: Right. Well, not any more.

He said you hunted werewolves but that's stupid.

He said you hunted werewolves but that’s stupid.

Well fucking done, Stiles. You think you can just talk as loudly as you like about supernatural problems and no one’s going to hear you? COME ON.

Derek carries Isaac into his burnt-out crapshack of a house. Scott follows, on the phone to Stiles, who tries to tell him about the bird incident in class. Scott tells him to come to the Hale house. Apparently Derek hasn’t lived here since the county took it over (no word on whether he’s upgraded from last season’s subway cubby) but there’s something here that he needs to help heal the wound from an Alpha. While Isaac’s wound looks healed from the outside, he’s still in trouble on the inside.

Derek starts pulling some flowers out of his floorboards. Scott, who is not clued in on the Alpha pack, wants Derek to tell him who Strong Jaw was. For once, Derek is forthcoming. Sort of.

DEREK: A rival pack. It’s my problem. I know you want to help and you did. I owe you one. Now go home. Go back to being a teenager.

Scott decides to cash in the favour immediately because he wants his stupid tattoo back.

Saviour Girl rocks up at the high school, asking for Scott. She already knows who Allison is (congrats on your new stalker). When Allison says Scott isn’t here, Saviour Girl grabs Allison and Lydia’s forearms. She holds on to them pretty tightly and runs off when she sees the Alpha twins standing down the hall. Saviour Girl left a bruise on both of the girls.

I broke out of hospital for this.

I broke out of hospital for this.

Chris walks up and says that school can wait another day. Allison stills seems shaken and Chris reminds her of their agreement; they can stay in Beacon Hills but only if they stay out of this. Which I guess means no more WEREWOLF HUNTERS? Whatever makes you happy, kids. Chris ushers Lydia and Allison from school.

Sheriff is at the animal clinic, talking to vet man Deaton about all the animals behaving weirdly around Beacon Hills. Deaton says he was going to call Sheriff about his own weird animal incident. He shows Sheriff into the back room where the sick animals are kept. He thought he had a break-in and some sicko did this but when he got a closer look, he realised that all his cats had killed themselves.

Please tell me you can arrest cats for committing suicide.

Please tell me you can arrest cats for committing suicide.

Back at the Hale house, Derek uses his Alpha x-ray vision to check out Scott’s tattoo. Before he does anything, he wants to know what the bands mean and why they’re so important. Scott comes clean and says that it’s something he traces with his fingers. He has apparently done his research and knows that in Samoan, the word tattoo means open wound. The tattoo is a reward for not calling or texting Allison all summer, even when he really wanted to. Their break-up is still like an open wound.

The boys get all deep and quiet for a bit and then Derek decides to help. He pulls out a fucking flame torch thing and tells Stiles to help hold Scott down. Apparently to get the tattoo back, we just burn Scott’s skin off or something. Congrats, buddy. Hope you like your stupid bands.

I REGRET EVERYTHING.

I REGRET EVERYTHING.

Scott wakes up to find his tattoo is back and bandier than ever.

SCOTT: I kind of needed something permanent. Everything that’s happened to us—everything just changes so fast. Everything’s so ephemeral.

STILES: Studying for the PSATs?

SCOTT: Yep.

STILES: Nice.

As Scott and Stiles leave, Scott notices that the door has a new coat of paint. He wants to know why and Derek is typically cagey. Scott pulls out his wolf claws and starts peeling off paint slowly at first. Then he starts flailing at it until he can see the lazy swastika Alpha symbol underneath.

Mostly I'm upset that I didn't get to see Derek paint this door. SHIRTLESS.

Mostly I’m upset that I didn’t get to see Derek paint this door. SHIRTLESS.

At the high school, Saviour Girl hides in the locker room and breaks off a broom handle to use as a weapon. Alpha pack members start filing in. Nurse McToenails has to walk carefully because of her stupid long toenails. Saviour Girl steps out to face them and waves her broom handle around threateningly.

What do we say to the God of Death? Not today.

What do we say to the God of Death? Not today.

Scott starts putting together the context clues and realises that there’s more than one new Alpha in town. Derek tells him that there’s a pack of them. Stiles questions how an Alpha pack dynamic would work.

DEREK: I hear there’s some kind of a leader. He’s called Deucalion.

Saviour Girl fights the Alpha pack in the locker room and does a pretty good job for someone who was recently hospitalised. That is, until Nurse McToenails uses her feet as knives.

It appears Deucalion is Blind Man from the hospital. He seems to be actually blind except when he turns on his Alpha eyes.

Derek knows that the Alpha pack has Erica and Boyd. He, Isaac, and Peter have been looking for them for months. They still don’t know what to do when they eventually find the Alpha pack; Derek just knows that he’ll need help.

Isaac finally wakes up and demands to know where Saviour Girl is. No one has any idea what he’s talking about.

Go back to sleep, Isaac. You're drunk.

Go back to sleep, Isaac. You’re drunk.

Saviour Girl sits in a corner in the locker room, in too much pain to keep fighting. Deucalion approaches her. Saviour Girl says she knows that Deucalion is afraid of ‘him’.

DEUCALION: Of a teenage boy?

SAVIOUR GIRL: Of the man he’ll become.

DEUCALION: I’m aware of a certain potential threat. But then, someone once taught me a very smart way to eliminate a threat; get someone else to do it for you.

SAVIOUR GIRL: Derek.

Well, now you know my secret plan. So I'm going to have to kill you.

Well, now you know my secret plan. So I’m going to have to kill you.

Deucalion raises his claws and slashes at Saviour Girl’s face. We see blood splatter the lockers but is she dead? Who knows? Even if she is dead, people don’t stay dead on this show.

Lydia and Allison discuss paint swatches for Allison’s room. Allison notices that their bruises match up and form a pretty pattern.

Well, now we don't have to get matching best friends necklaces.

Well, now we don’t have to get matching best friends necklaces.

Then, DUN DUN DUN, the same pattern is revealed to be on the floor of the place where Erica and Boyd are being held captive.

END OF EPISODE

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