Teen Wolf recap – Season 4, Episode 12: Smoke and Mirrors

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After finding out last episode that she was locked in a cell filled with human bones, Kira decided to have a nap on said bones. She wakes to find that the door to her cell has been conveniently left ajar. Kira carefully wanders out of the cell and calls out hesitantly to see if Scott’s being held captive nearby.

I should definitely start calling out so my captors know they accidentally let me escape.

Kira walks down the dark and creepy tunnels of La Iglesia and unknowingly walks right past a Berserker. I’m going to go ahead and assume that it’s Berserker Scott. Looks like Kate strapped that bear skull on good and tight.

Kira sees another Berserker down the tunnel and starts to back up. Berserker Scott grabs her and starts slamming her into the wall, growling like the animal he has apparently become. Kira catches a glimpse of Scott’s distinctive band tattoo and realises that her boyfriend is the one abusing her.

There’s no time for a heartfelt reunion. Kate appears and all Berserkers present snap to attention. Kate decides she’ll have to do a better job at covering up Scott’s tattoo.

This is a mock-up for my spring/summer range. So fetch.

This is a mock-up for my spring/summer range. So fetch.

KATE: How. That’s the better story. See, when I first got away from the Calaveras, I had no idea where to go. But something kept pulling me here, to the temple of Tezcatlipoca. His name means ‘smoking mirror’ and this place is a temple of the smoking mirror—obsidian. When I got here, I found the Berserkers waiting for me. They helped me survive and I didn’t know quite why until just recently—until I decided to trust someone I never thought I would trust. It was then that I found out I could not only control the Berserkers but I could create them. They call me la loba. The bone woman.

Um, no. False. La loba means—and I looked this up—she-wolf. You know, on account of how Kate has been being called ‘she-wolf’ since last season? Yeah, sure, she’s a werejaguar or whatever but la loba does not mean ‘bone woman’. Get out of my face. Also, that does not explain how you turned Scott into a Berserker. It doesn’t explain what you did or why you did it, either. That was just a villainous expositional monologue, Kate. Don’t kid yourself.

Kate goes on to say that they let Kira out of her cell to test Scott’s loyalty. Scott has gone through a hell of a lot without ever having to kill anyone and now Kate wants to change that.

Berserker Scott pulls out a bone knife and moves towards Kira. She pleads for him to stop but he raises the knife and plunges it down. Kira lets out a little shriek which I guess means it was only a bit of a tickling death wound.

You deal a pretty weak death blow, to be honest.

You deal a pretty weak death blow, to be honest.

TITLE SEQUENCE

In Beacon Hills, Stiles is trying to convince his dad to let him go to Mexico to save his friends. Sheriff is vehemently against the idea and wants to go through all the proper channels, including law enforcement and border patrol. Stiles is having none of that.

SHERIFF: I can keep you from going.

STILES: I’d find a way.

SHERIFF: I can throw you in a cell.

STILES: I’d still find a way.

Sheriff asks Stiles to let him at least get some slightly more concrete information than a psychic vision from some guy with a third eye. He’ll call every law enforcement agency all the way down to South America if he has to. If nothing turns up, Sheriff will book two flights to Mexico and they’ll both go. Stiles agrees and asks if he gets to carry a gun. No, dude. You are underage and a spaz and your go-to weapon is a baseball bat. You can have a slightly bigger baseball bat.

At Derek’s loft, it looks like he and Braeden have cleaned up the mess Kate and the Berserkers made, and taken down Scott’s romantic light installation. Now they’re going through their gun collection. Derek still doesn’t like relying on them. Braeden thinks it’s about him losing his power but Derek says it’s about feeling helpless.

BRAEDEN: I’m human. Do I look helpless?

You look like a damn queen, Braeden. Everyone bow down.

You look like a damn queen, Braeden. Everyone bow down.

Derek admits that he doesn’t think he’ll be coming back from Mexico alive. Braeden tells him she’s not okay with that. Derek pulls her in for a kiss and tells her that he’s okay with dying if it helps save Scott and Kira. Besides, he’s not even sure if the extensive ammunition they have is enough to take down one Berserker.

PETER: Not even close.

And we’re done with the beautiful Derek and Braeden moment. Peter is the reason we can’t have nice things. He descends from the rooftop stairs. Did they know he was up there? Does he just lurk on people’s rooves? Get some boundaries, Peter.

Sometimes I sneak into your loft to watch you guys make out.

Sometimes I sneak into your loft to watch you guys make out.

Peter says that killing a Berserker isn’t just about firepower: it’s about breaking the animal spirit from the human.

DEREK: Well, the one person we know with that kind of experience is Argent and he’s not getting back to me.

PETER: Well, then we’re going to need help. Like Malia. Maybe Liam. Definitely me.

Oh my God, get away. Why are people still talking to you after everything you’ve done? And seriously, Chris has to be alive. He’s too important to just die off screen in a freaking sewer. And if he is alive, then maybe his first task—after getting a gigantic tetanus shot—should have been to at least text someone and say, ‘Oh, PS: Peter just impaled me on some rebar. Don’t hang out with him anymore.’

Stiles and Malia are at Scott’s house, rifling through his wardrobe and trying to find something with a scent that Malia can track. It all smells like fabric softener and it looks like Mama McCall has done laundry recently because the only thing in the clothes basket is a pair of Scott’s boxers. Does Mama McCall know that her son has been kidnapped and taken to Mexico? I’m assuming everyone is trying not to mention it so she won’t have to worry.

Malia is not up to smelling Scott’s dirty boxers, even if he is her Alpha and he’s in mortal danger. She finds a scent on his pillow and grabs the pillowcase to take with her.

We go with my plan this time.

We go with my plan this time.

Stiles and Malia head downstairs to find Liam waiting in the kitchen. Apparently everyone has a key to Scott’s house. Or maybe they all just remembered that the McCalls don’t believe in security screens. Who knows? Stiles tells Liam to go home; tonight’s a full moon and Stiles doesn’t feel like driving all the way down to Mexico just to have the baby Beta rip his throat out.

LIAM: You can lock me up, right? Chain me down in the back seat or something.

MALIA: You tore through the last chains, remember?

STILES: Yeah. We would have to freeze you in carbonite to get you down there.

LIAM: Okay, then where do we get carbonite?

Stiles is not in the mood to explain his Star Wars puns. He starts to leave and Liam protests. Now he wants to ride along in the trunk of the car. I know you mean well, kid, but you can’t exactly be useful if you’re locked in a car because you can’t control yourself. But we’re all catering to Liam’s stupidity this episode so they decide to find a solution to his bondage problems.

Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

They meet in some kind of garage. Braeden, using her questionable US Marshal status, has procured a prison transport vehicle to keep Liam locked up.

Derek isn’t keen on bringing Liam along, which works well because no one’s keen on bringing Peter along.

PETER: We’re bringing everyone that we can. And considering Scott and Kira were taken the night before a full moon, we should probably get going.

He explains/theorises that Kate may intend to do the same thing to Scott that she did to Derek. She may want to age him back to before he became a werewolf. A werewolf can’t steal a True Alpha’s power but maybe because Kate is a werejaguar and hanging out in a mystical creep dungeon, she might have more luck. My brain is hurting from trying to figure out how Peter is going to become an Alpha with all these technicalities.

PETER: So, if everyone is sufficiently freaked out, I say we get going.

STILES: We can’t. Not without Lydia.

Don’t worry. We gave her directions to this weird plane hangar we happened to stumble across.

Lydia has spent this entire season gallivanting around by herself and now people have a problem with it. Lydia, by the way, is at the high school. She opens Kira’s locker (we know this because there’s a conveniently placed textbook with Kira’s surname on it) because they’re buddies and know each other’s combinations. But Lydia is not here to borrow a textbook. She takes a big whiff of Kira’s jacket because her banshee powers are now scent-based  the other werewolves are going to need something to track Kira by as well.

Suddenly, there’s a growl and Lydia ducks just as a Berserker slams its fist into the locker.

Back in the garage, Malia explains that Lydia is off sniffing jackets because her sword doesn’t carry a strong enough scent. Lydia isn’t answering her phone and Braeden points out quite reasonably that Lydia can catch up to them if she’s driving.

STILES: No, what if something happened? What if she’s in trouble?

PETER: Fine. You stay, you find her, we’re going to go on without you.

Liam volunteers to call Mason, who has a study group at school. That’s very generous, Liam, but what is Mason going to be able to do if Lydia actually is in trouble? He doesn’t even know that supernatural things are roaming Beacon Hills right now. Oh, okay. It doesn’t actually matter because Stiles is totally fine with that solution.

In fact, Stiles decides that he’s going to ride in the back of the prison transport vehicle with Derek and Liam because he has some experience dealing with out of control werewolves. Which means Malia gets to ride with Peter. She thinks maybe they can do some father-daughter bonding. Stiles thinks Malia can just turn up the radio really loud.

Everyone’s ready to roll but Peter needs to hand out one last memo.

PETER: Remember what we’re dealing with here. It’s not just Kate. It’s Berserkers. You might see human eyes behind those skulls. Do not assume that there’s any humanity left.

He notes that Liam is terrified of the Berserkers but says that that fear will keep Liam alive. He reminds everyone that you don’t fight Berserkers to survive: you fight to kill.

You speak such soothing words.

I actually just want to know when Peter suddenly became so bloody knowledgeable about this stuff. I know he’s seen Berserkers before, since he recognised their scent way back at the start of the season and knew to run for his life. But where did he actually meet them? And why is no one asking him about that? Because for some reason I’m feeling like it has something to do with the Desert Wolf.

Back at La Iglesia, Berserker Scott is showing us some of those human eyes that Peter talked about. I can’t take him seriously in this get-up. I want to see him standing next to one of the other two Berserkers because I feel like Scott’s going to be dwarfed by them.

Liam calls Mason while they’re driving off to Mexico. Mason finds Lydia’s car parked outside the school and offers to look around to see where Lydia is.

It's a good thing I stalk your friends so I know their cars on sight.

It’s a good thing I stalk your friends so I know their cars on sight.

The road trip has begun. Braeden is driving the prison transport vehicle while Stiles, Derek, and Liam chill in the back. Liam is sporting very flimsy-looking handcuffs which I’m going to assume will just snap in 0.5 seconds. But no one else seems worried so we’re just going to rely on their happy ignorance.

Derek pulls out the triskelion and tells Liam about its history as a very powerful supernatural talisman. Liam looks dubious but Stiles, with a pointed look from Derek, jumps in to agree on the triskelion’s magic powers.

Such power, much magic.

Such power, much magic.

Mason wanders all around an empty school. It looks like the sun is setting and yet he’s still calling out for Lydia, which means he’s probably going to be attacked really soon. Eventually, Mason finds Kira’s jacket and Lydia’s phone. He finally understands that Lydia isn’t answering her phone because she doesn’t have her phone with her. Genius.

Mason presses some button that lights up the screen. It looks like Lydia had time to snap a quick picture of her Berserker attack, set it as her phone’s wallpaper/lock screen and then place it neatly on the stairs. At least the Berserker was being very generous and patient when he attacked Lydia.

It'll look way better with an Instagram filter.

It’ll look way better with an Instagram filter.

Speaking of Berserkers, one is suddenly standing in front of Mason. Mason looks confused. You have much to learn about Beacon Hills, my friend.

First, let me take another selfie.

First, let me take another selfie.

The road trip continues. Malia has taken Stiles’s advice about turning on the radio. Peter turns the radio down (he asks if that’s okay, which is very polite of him) and asks Malia if she’s worried about Stiles. Malia says that she’s worried about everyone. Things have certainly changed since the beginning of the season, when she was happy to leave most of her friends for dead. Gold star for your character development, Malia.

PETER: Do I have to be worried about you? We have to go through the Berserkers to get to Kate, and we have to go through Kate to get to Scott and Kira, and trust me: it’s going to be messy.

MALIA: Scott says we don’t kill people.

PETER: Do you think Scott would kill to save Kira? Would you kill to save Stiles?

Malia doesn’t answer. She looks out the window and sees that the full moon has risen. Peter’s happy; they’re going to need that power.

Dad, let’s not talk about my love life.

Back in prison transport carpool, everyone’s doing okay until Liam suddenly starts wolfing out.

LIAM: Whatever you’re going to teach me, I think you better start.

Kira is huddled in some corner of La Iglesia, clearly not dead. Well, she’s on her way. She’s got blood all over herself.

She imagines that Mama Yukimura is there to give her advice. Well, maybe she is. We still know next to nothing about kitsune powers so astral projection has not been eliminated as a possibility. Mama Yukimura says that it’s all right to cry; it’s no measure of Kira’s strength.

Kira says that she’s not strong. She needs to get up and warn her friends about what happened to Scott.

Mum, I’m a little busy bleeding to death here.

MAMA YUKIMURA: How do you know you can’t?

KIRA: Because I’m not healing. You told me why I never get sick and you said I’d learn to heal.

MAMA YUKIMURA: Then learn.

Kira doesn’t even know how to start. Mama Yukimura says that, while foxes and wolves tend not to get along, they’re not all that dissimilar. She reminds Kira that wolves can trigger healing through pain.

Kira slams her hands into a rock wall. Or maybe that’s obsidian. It looks kind of shiny. Anyway, she eventually knocks a piece loose and clutches it so tightly that her hand starts to bleed. But her eyes start glowing so something’s going right.

For future reference, being stabbed to death won't do it. But cutting your hand will work wonders.

For future reference, being stabbed to death won’t do it. But cutting your hand will work wonders.

Back at the school, Mason wakes to find that he and Lydia are being held in what looks like the basement corridor. He tries to explain the Berserker to Lydia and she doesn’t feel like filling him in on the supernatural element yet. Mason notices that his phone is gone. He also notices that Lydia keeps referring to the Berserker as ‘it’, like it’s some kind of … creature. He hears the Berserker’s growl. They look down the corridor but nothing’s there.

MASON: What is that thing?

LYDIA: Not human.

Back in the prison transport vehicle, Derek tries to teach Liam about the triskelion and the ‘Alpha, Beta, Omega’ chant and some basic werewolf politics. Liam tries out the chant but it’s not doing the trick. He starts struggling, rocking the van and breaking through one of his flimsy handcuffs. What did I tell you?

You wanted to come to Mexico. You sort out your shit or you're walking home.

You wanted to come to Mexico. You sort out your shit or you’re walking home.

Stiles calls out for Braeden to go a little faster, because what this situation needs is an even more unstable ground on which to take place. Liam breaks out of his other handcuff and reaches over to strangle Derek. Braeden promises that they’re almost there.

In Peter’s car, he notices that Malia is trying to stay human and says that that’s her problem.

PETER: Scott has you thinking that control and humanity are the same for us. Allow me to give you some fatherly advice: if you’re going to face something as animal as a Berserker and try to win, you need to focus on the animal inside you. You’ll need every ounce of ferocity and savagery that you can muster. You’ll need it all.

Back in the prison transport vehicle, Liam is using his ferocity and savagery to try to kill everyone. Stiles decides to make Liam try the Buddhist mantra instead and asks him what three things cannot long be hidden. Liam eventually responds with the right answer: ‘The sun, the moon, the truth.’ He repeats the mantra until he calms right down. Public service announcement: all werewolves outside the Hale family should immediately convert to Buddhism.

Derek assures Braeden that they’re okay. Which is awesome, since they’ve just pulled up at La Iglesia. Is it me or was that journey a lot shorter than the one at the start of the season? It seemed like they were driving all damn day when they were already in Mexico. This time they started out in California and they still managed to get there quicker.

The police transport vehicle is actually a TARDIS.

The police transport vehicle is actually a TARDIS.

LIAM: I can’t believe I did it. For a minute there, I thought I was going to tear the two of you apart.

STILES: Yeah. That would have made for an awkward ride home so thanks.

DEREK: Think you can bring the same level of control and strength inside La Iglesia?

Liam responds by pulling out his werewolf claws and Stiles thinks they might actually be able to do this. I feel like he should not be so comforted by someone learning to control their own fingernails for the first time but each to their own.

Derek opens the door of the van and comes face to face with a Berserker. It tosses him around and then STABS HIM REPEATEDLY. WHAT THE HELL, MAN? Let a man get out of the car, why don’t you?

I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.

Braeden jumps out of the car and starts shooting the crap out of the Berserker until it backs off. She runs to Derek’s aid. Stiles looks horrified and Peter looks he might actually care. Derek brushes off his mortal wound and tells the others to get to Scott—he’ll be right behind them.

Derek tells Stiles to save Scott. Stiles hesitates, looking at Derek in a way that is probably going to make Sterek fans burst into tears. Whether you look at it romantically or platonically, these two have fantastic chemistry. Braeden stays behind to protect Derek.

The others get inside the church and Peter yells at them to stop. They need to figure out where they are, and then how to find Scott and Kira. Honestly, if he doesn’t lower his voice they won’t need to worry about any of that; every creature in this place is going to come at them.

Stiles’s phone rings and even he’s impressed that he can get service in this place. It’s Sheriff on the other end and he has reached a level of fury that Stiles cannot possibly comprehend.

Do not test me, boy.

Do not test me, boy.

STILES: Okay. Well, when I get back, you can ground me.

SHERIFF: Ground you? Ground you? I am going to hobble you. Now, please, tell me you’re all right. Tell me that you’re safe.

STILES: You want me to lie?

Sheriff asks what he can do to help. Lydia is still MIA and now they aren’t hearing back from Mason so Sheriff will go and find them. He tells Stiles to save his friends. Stiles reminds his dad that he’ll need a lot of firepower to take on a Berserker and then hangs up without the touching speech I assumed I was going to sob over.

Can’t talk. I’m in church.

A Berserker comes out of nowhere in La Iglesia and starts chasing them. I’m fairly sure it’s Berserker Scott but it’s dark and they all look the same.

Outside, Braeden gives Derek a gun to help protect himself and tells him that he’s going to be okay.

DEREK: It’s a mortal wound and right now I’m feeling pretty mortal.

BRAEDEN: I’m not going to let you die.

I feel like Braeden could prevent Derek from dying just by force of will. But Derek says she might have to concentrate on saving herself.

The Berserker comes walking out of the dust with a definite Western swagger and Kate tagging along behind him. Girl, aren’t you supposed to be in your villainous cave, watching this all from surveillance cameras and trying to time it so that you can swing your chair around when one of your enemies walks into the room?

At the school, Lydia thinks the Berserker might be gone. Mason points out there’s only one way out on this side of the basement but Lydia is certain that, if they don’t get out of here, someone is going to die. Is that a basic ‘Berserkers are violent’ presumption or an actual banshee prediction?

Mason leans out to check if the coast is clear. The Berserker immediately steps back into view.

I know he’s wearing a bone mask but I swear his face is saying, ‘You wanna go, mate?’

I know he’s wearing a bone mask but I swear his face is saying, ‘You wanna go, mate?’

At La Iglesia, Peter, Stiles, Malia, and Liam are running away from the Probably Berserker Scott. Malia tosses Kira’s katana to Stiles and tells him to go find Scott. He does so, leaving the werewolves to have a go at this Berserker. I still can’t tell who it is. I’m just going to go ahead and assume it’s Scott because this is the worst possible place for him to be so, of course, it’s where he would be.

Outside, Braeden is shooting at the Berserker but it seems to have regained its immunity to bullets. It lifts Braeden by the throat.

KATE: How much do they pay you?

BRAEDEN: Way more than you’re worth.

Suddenly, there are … car engines? Did Sheriff somehow send in law enforcement for back-up? Surely not. Well, whoever they are, they’re speaking Spanish and they have a lot of guns they’re not afraid to use. Kate and the Berserker take a few hits and back away.

Oh, DEPUTY PARRISH IS HERE. And CHRIS ARGENT. Nice to see you haven’t been killed by tetanus. PARRISH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? You did not seriously just get glowing eyes and pull rebar out of a man’s stomach and then follow him to Mexico like a lost puppy.

I have superhuman healing powers now.

I have superhuman healing powers now.

I’m guessing that, since Chris is here, these other dudes must be the Mexican WEREWOLF HUNTERS. Yep, there’s Araya. She’s packing a handgun and an angry grandma face, which is probably all she needs to take out a Berserker.

Inside La Iglesia, Stiles finds Kira. She’s totally alive and looks pretty healed but still covered in blood. She wastes no time in telling him that Scott is now a Berserker and that the others could kill him.

STILES: That’s why Lydia’s not here. They won’t know they’re killing Scott.

Okay, that means that Berserker Scott MUST be the one taking on the other werewolves. YES. THERE’S THE MONEY SHOT. None of the other Berserkers get a ‘these are my human eyes’ close-up.

Outside, Kate abandons her Berserker so she can go hide behind a car. Even with a stupid amount of guns, that thing is going strong. Braeden runs back to Derek just in time to watch him DIE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

HOW VERY DARE YOU?

HOW VERY DARE YOU?

Back in the school basement, Lydia picks up a baseball bat from a convenient stash of sporting equipment odds and ends. Mason doesn’t think she stands a chance against the Berserker (which he still seems to think is a regular dude with weird fashion sense).

LYDIA: My friends are in trouble. And so is Liam, your best friend. They need me. I’m going for it. And yes, with a baseball bat.

She marches down the hallway, ready to lay into the Berserker. Suddenly, Mason barrels past her with his own bat in hand, yelling. They take on the Berserker and it backhands them both like lil’ bitches, sending them flying.

The Berserker seems to have changed its mind and, instead of just keeping them there, it may actually want to kill them. Suddenly, Sheriff appears and politely shouts, ‘Excuse me!’ before tossing something to the Berserker. It’s a bomb.

Sheriff, Mason, and Lydia duck for cover and the bomb goes off, decimating the Berserker. You blew it up. You just blew it up. Chris Argent, I swear to God you have explosives somewhere. Why have you never thought of just BLOWING THE BERSERKERS UP? You have wasted so much ammunition, son.

This bomb is so considerate. It doesn't disturb lights or any architecture.

This bomb is so considerate. It doesn’t disturb lights or any architecture.

Sheriff checks on Lydia and Mason. They both seem okay. He picks up part of the broken bear skull.

LYDIA:  It was after me. It wanted me to stay in Beacon Hills. I think this is all some sort of distraction.

SHERIFF: Because you knew they’re trying to kill someone.

MASON: Kill who?

LYDIA: Scott.

GET TO A FREAKING PHONE, LYDIA. You don’t know that they haven’t already figured that out. ALERT THEM NOW.

I'm just plain psychic now. I know they know.

I’m just plain psychic now. I know they know.

At La Iglesia, it’s three on one and Berserker Scott is starting to falter. Peter tosses a bone knife to Malia, telling her to aim for the skull. You are kidding me, right? You’re making your daughter kill her own Alpha? Get out of it, Peter.

Liam and Peter hold the Berserker down and Malia plunges the knife forward. Stiles runs into the room and shouts for Malia to wait but she doesn’t hear him.

Look, Dad! I'm gonna kill someone, just like you always wanted me to!

Look, Dad! I’m gonna kill someone, just like you always wanted me to!

Kira darts forward and, using her katana, slices the bone dagger in half. Did someone sharpen that blade? Since when has Kira’s katana had any luck against bones? It’s been absolutely useless against the Berserkers so far.

Stiles tells them that the Berserker is Scott. Liam looks through its eye holes and sees Scott’s face. But just because they can see his eyes doesn’t mean that Scott’s calmed down. He punches everyone in the face (even Stiles) and nothing anyone says is doing anything.

Scott lifts Liam by the throat, ready to kill.

Daddy, pls.

Daddy, pls.

Outside, Araya watches with a smile as her WEREWOLF HUNTERS stalk the Berserker and Kate. Braeden is crying silently over Derek’s body and her face is so broken that I can’t deal right now.

Kate jumps out to surprise one WEREWOLF HUNTER and the gunfight is back on. Braeden jumps up to join in, tears still streaming down her face. The Berserker appears again and someone just needs to blow it up.

Chris drops his gun, clutching his recent rebar wound, and pulls out a smaller gun. He loads a suspicious-looking yellow bullet into it. Could it be … YELLOW WOLFSBANE?  Probably.

Inside La Iglesia, Liam calls out for Scott to stop.

LIAM: You’re not a monster. You’re a werewolf. Like me.

Berserker Scott starts blinking slowly. He puts Liam down and then starts tearing off his bone armour. He grabs the bear skull and it splits apart in a flash of golden light, revealing Scott’s werewolf face, his Alpha eyes glowing. I guess Liam’s speech worked. All Scott really needed to be told was, ‘Simba, remember who you are.’

Fresh air is glorious. That skull was RIPE.

Fresh air is glorious. That skull was RIPE.

Peter watches this all, impassive. Is this part of his plan? Or is he panicking? Who knows?

Scott wastes no time in letting everyone know that Peter is a dick.

SCOTT: You. The only person who knew as much as Argent about Berserkers, about the Nagual. You helped her. All for power.

PETER: For my family’s power to be rightfully inherited by me. Not usurped by some idiot teenage boy so incorruptible he wouldn’t shed the blood of his enemies even when justified. You don’t deserve your power. Not power like this.

Peter gets his wolf face on and it is creepier than usual. Can he still turn into that gorilla monster if he’s not an Alpha? Because I think he’s well on the way.

Woah, back up, Satan.

Malia roars at him and Peter throws her out of the way, saying they’ll talk about this later. Put your sarcasm away, Peter. Malia doesn’t need any other family issues and you are ruining everything.

Kira tries to run forward and take on Peter but Scott calls her off. He and Peter start to circle each other. Peter tells Scott that he was his Beta first; it was Peter’s bite that changed Scott’s life and his bite that can end it. They parkour at each other.

Outside, that fucking Berserker is still not going down. Araya moves forward to take on Kate in person. Kate promises that Araya will be the next to die. Araya pulls out her cattle prod/lightsaber/Taser thing.

ARAYA: Come, la loba. Let me show you how the Calaveras die.

Before Kate can do anything, something howls in the distance. DE-SERT WOLF. DE-SERT WOLF. DE-SERT—that is not a coyote. That is an actual wolf. What are you—oh, it has werewolf blue eyes. That’s interesting. Is that Talia Hale?

Came back from the dead, no big deal

Came back from the dead, no big deal

It launches itself at Kate, sinking its teeth into her throat. As Kate screams, everyone else stops to watch.

The wolf backs off and Kate tries to crawl away. Then the wolf TRANSFORMS into DEREK HALE. He lives! And he is SO NAKED. Everyone is staring at him in awe. Clearly the rest of NAKED Derek is every bit as lovely as SHIRTLESS Derek. Not that I would know because the camera crew are making sure I don’t even get a butt shot. Rude.

Oh, I did come back from the dead. But I'm not my mum.

Oh, I did come back from the dead. But I’m not my mum.

KATE: You were dead.

DEREK: No. I was evolving. Something you’ll never do.

With the power of NAKEDNESS, Derek touches a Berserker’s face and makes it explode into starlight. That is—um, so I guess the message is that these Berserkers were too far gone to be saved but I still feel weird watching them die.

Sorry, mate. They were running out of ammunition and someone had to put you down.

Kate decides she can’t handle the power of NAKEDNESS and starts to run away. Chris shoots her with his yellow wolfsbane bullet and then looks really upset about it. Or maybe he’s just still in pain.

*whoooooosh*

*whoooooosh*

Scott and Peter are still having their parkour-off. Peter tells Scott to fight like an Alpha. Scott pulls out some WWE moves but Peter says that if Scott wants to beat him, he’s going to have to kill him. Scott gets thrown to the floor.

Peter picks up an old church pew and throws it at Liam’s head.

Empty chairs at empty tables ...

Empty chairs at empty tables …

Scott is not having any of that shit. No one’s allowed to throw chairs at his werewolf son. Scott levels up into pure Matrix reflexes and punches Peter in the face so hard that he dies—oh, he doesn’t. God, what does it take?

SCOTT: You were never an Alpha, Peter. But you were always a monster.

I was too an Alpha you lil' shit.

I was too an Alpha you lil’ shit. If I hadn’t been, you wouldn’t be here.

Okay, now comes the face punching to death. Doesn’t it? Or is he still alive? He’s probably still alive. Scott is all about not killing anyone. He turns to gaze at his friends with Alpha benevolence and they all quietly applaud in their minds.

Kate runs into the maze of La Iglesia and Chris follows her, still firing even though he looks spent.

Slow down, woman. I've recently been grievously wounded by your partner in crime.

Slow down, woman. I’ve recently been grievously wounded by your partner in crime.

KATE: You want to kill me, Chris?

CHRIS: No. But I don’t want to save you anymore either. I don’t know that you’re worth saving.

KATE: Just like when we were kids. Always trying to make me the bad guy. You can’t see them clearly anymore, can you? Scott’s not your little hero. None of them are. Not when they killed Allison.

OH, NO, SHE DIDN’T.

Chris looks ready to either cry or tear the world apart. Maybe both at the same time.

CHRIS: Allison died. She died saving her friends. Who would you die for? Hmm?

KATE: You’re not going to kill me. And you’re not going to catch me. Not you, not Peter, and not the Calaveras.

I'll be back in another three seasons.

I’ll be back in another three seasons.

Kate backs away, wincing in pain as the yellow wolfsbane starts to kick in. But Chris just lets her go. He has his own pain to deal with right now, both physical and emotional. You cry, Chris. Let it out, you beautiful human.

The sun rises and everyone gathers outside La Iglesia for a debrief. Chris says there’s enough yellow wolfsbane to keep Peter out for the trip back to Beacon Hills.

Chris made a deal with the Calaveras when Araya invaded his personal space in the basement/garage/gun cage place. The Calaveras will leave the McCall pack alone if he helps them catch Kate.

KIRA: What if you can’t?

CHRIS: I’ll find her. Someone has to.

I've gotta go work on my Spanish.

I’ve gotta go work on my Spanish.

Chris, what are you DOING? Don’t leave me! Parrish is leaning up against a car, trying to look cool and unfazed but he’s probably crying on the inside because his new buddy is leaving. And also because Chris was his ride down to Mexico.

It's all right, man. There's plenty of spare seats. You can catch a ride back.

It’s all right, man. There’s plenty of spare seats. You can catch a ride back.

Scott gives Kira a cuddle and the rest of the McCall pack stand around and watch the WEREWOLF HUNTERS leave. Where are Derek and Braeden? Oh, there they are. Derek, give Chris a manly hug while you still can. DEREK, SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR BROMANCE. AT LEAST A HANDSHAKE/HUG THING. COME ON. Yeah, whatever. Just pretend a long-distance bromance isn’t painful.

Derek holds the car door open for Braeden and asks if she’s really a US Marshal.  Braeden says that she was. But she spent too long looking for one person and it’s hard to keep a job when part of it becomes an obsession. The only thing she knows about the person she was chasing was a code name: the Desert Wolf.

Derek looks over at Scot and gives him a little nod. That better be a ‘see you back in Beacon Hills’ nod and not an ‘I’m going to ride off into the sunset’ nod. Don’t you dare.

I'm glad I brought a spare shirt in case of death.

I’m glad I brought a spare shirt in case of death.

Back in Beacon Hills, Stiles and Malia rush to the station to see Sheriff. They have a smelly reunion (no, seriously, they all have righteous BO after all that stress and action) and even pull Malia in for a group hug. Her face lights up and it’s adorable. See? Sheriff is everyone’s dad. Just because yours is a psycho doesn’t mean you have to be sad.

Sheriff is glad they’re both safe and says they should go get something to eat. As Sheriff and Malia walk off, Stiles is yanked back.

STILES: Yo, Daddy.

Sheriff has surreptitiously handcuffed him to a desk as punishment for running off to Mexico. He ignores Stiles’s pleas and asks Malia what her favourite food is. This time she readily says pizza. Maybe she’s assimilating as a human but I’m still a bit sad because I feel she’s just saying what’s expected of her.

Dad, come on. Malia went to Mexico too.

Dad, come on. Malia went to Mexico too.

Mama Yukimura has a chat to Kira in an empty classroom and gives her a present.

MAMA YUKIMURA: The shard of obsidian you brought back, Kira. There’s a reason you kept it and a reason your father took the liberty of making an alteration to it. Do you know what it is?

KIRA: It’s a ninja star tail.

MAMA YUKIMURA: Your first.

What does that even mean? Do you earn tails? Is this like a challenge? You level up each time you nearly die?

Why are you smiling at that, Kira? That sounds like a terrible rite of passage.

Why are you smiling at that, Kira? That sounds like a terrible rite of passage.

In the locker room, Liam drew the short straw and he has to make up excuses for Scott and Kira missing the lacrosse game and Scott, Kira, Stiles, and Liam all missing lacrosse practice. Coach is having a hard time believing that Scott would take Kira to Mexico for their first real date.

COACH: I have had experiences south of the border that would knock the genitals off you boys.

He tells Scott and Stiles that Liam is the best talent he’s seen in years. Which means they should all stick together and be BFFS. Scott and Liam share an adorable father-son glance. That’s going to have to compensate for the lack of Mama McCall moments in this episode.

I want to see some next-level bromance on that lacrosse field.

I want to see some next-level bromance on that lacrosse field.

At the sheriff’s station, Lydia shows Parrish their shiny new hardcopy of the bestiary. If they went to all the trouble of printing it, I sincerely hope someone indexed that thing. Or at least made multiple copies. Seriously, there should be a bestiary stashed in every regular hang-out so they don’t have to take valuable time out to go and grab a copy.

Check out this book of horror.

Check out this book of horror.

Parrish looks at the page relating to the Kanima and we finally see the evolved form that Jackson could have taken. WINGS, PEOPLE. And a fucking FLAIL/MORNING STAR on the end of its tail. You know what I’m saying. That spiky ball weapon. Maximum carnage.

One of my exes looked like this. I would appreciate if you could be less of a lizard.

One of my exes looked like this. I would appreciate if you could be less of a lizard.

Whatever Parrish happens to be, Lydia thinks it might be in the bestiary. And she wants to kiss his mouth help him figure it out because, NO, we’re not finding out what Parrish is yet. Even though we all know he’s a phoenix.

At Eichen House, Peter (looking drugged off his face and unfortunately not dead) is chucked into a Perspex cell that looks very much like the one Dr Valack was in last episode. Peter headbutts the glass and yells to the guards (who are already gone) that he’ll find a way out, even if he’s been shot up with wolfsbane.

Dr Valack tells Peter that it’s not just the wolfsbane. This doesn’t just LOOK like Valack’s cell. It IS Valack’s cell.

Hey, roomie.

Hey, roomie.

He tells Peter that the framework of the cells are mountain ash—another way to ensure they’re not getting out.

PETER: Who the hell are you?

DR VALACK: I could tell you. But it’s easier if I just show you.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. Valack takes off his head bandage and oh my God, I heard the squelch. His wound SQUELCHED when the bandage was removed.

Peter catches a glimpse of that terrifying Cyclops eye and starts screaming to be let out. Good luck with that, buddy. In fact, I think you guys are going to have to get a lot closer considering there’s only one bed.

At least let us have a date or something before we share a bed! I'm old-fashioned that way.

At least let us have a date or something before we share a bed! I’m old-fashioned that way.

Peter’s screams barely reach the hallway, where a bunch of other supernaturals are straining to get through the bars on their own cells.

See you next year, Arkham Asylum.

See you next year, Arkham Asylum.

END OF EPISODE

END OF SEASON 4

 

A FEW LAST MUSINGS

We went a whole season without once mentioning that Isaac and Danny were AWOL which, when you think about it, is kind of an achievement. Not one to be proud of, necessarily, but still an achievement. I actually wondered for a moment if Danny was going to turn out to be one of the Berserkers but then they all got killed pretty convincingly so I’m glad he wasn’t one of them. Unless he was. I mean, he could have been. You’d never know.

I’m a little bit disappointed that the whole Benefactor plot (which I thought was awesome) ended up just being a filler. I felt it could’ve had its own season arc and a better reveal. I mean, Meredith was the Benefactor. Maybe she didn’t have the idea but she did orchestrate the whole thing. And yet it all boiled down to ‘Peter can get really bitchy when he’s comatose so he did it’.

What did Kate actually DO to Derek? Did she have any idea that when she locked him in the temple she was actually building him a werewolf cocoon so he could begin his transformation into a beautiful butterfly truly awesome shape shifter? And why did Derek’s powers all disappear? Is it like that thing in Twilight where all the werewolves got super sick before they shifted for the first time? He just had to actually die before he could be reborn again as Werewolf Jesus?

And are we going to touch on the fact that Peter’s gigantic neck maybe meant he was stealing Derek’s powers?

Looks like next season we’re going to focus on discovering the identity of the Desert Wolf. And maybe we’ll even find out what Parrish is. Maybe Derek will just lead a happy life fighting crime with Braeden. Maybe Kira and Lydia will learn how to use their powers properly. Maybe Scott will keep his cool Alpha skills and not revert to being useless in a fight. MAYBE A LOT OF THINGS WILL HAPPEN.

We’ll find out in 2015 when Teen Wolf returns with 20 episodes. That’s right. TWENTY. I feel pretty good about the impending SHIRTLESSNESS, guys.

END OF RECAP

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2 thoughts on “Teen Wolf recap – Season 4, Episode 12: Smoke and Mirrors

  1. No, come on, you can’t accculy be shipping lidya and parrish!!!! Lidya alright make out with everyone, it’s time for stiles hook up with her COME OOON

    • I don’t necessarily ship them together but I feel that’s the way the writers are leaning! They’re pushing really hard for Stiles and Malia and I don’t see that ending too soon. There’s definitely some writing in the episodes that’s indicating Lydia and Parrish will be spending more time together platonically if not romantically.

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